im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
