Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
