Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she looked like the before picture.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's never too late to be topless.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
