He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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