I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
