Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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