it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
