so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
