we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
COCAINE IS GR8
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
