There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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