Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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