Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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