Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
