did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
