I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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