She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
