no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
