Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
