Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
