Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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