Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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