You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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