i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
