I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
