she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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