My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
