Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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