My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my sisters under your porch take her home
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
