found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
