she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
