I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
