I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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