Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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