yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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