I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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