I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
