accomplished twins. life is a go
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
