Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
