oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
