i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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