found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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