either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
