Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
