I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
