I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
