Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
