are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
