it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
