I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
