If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
