Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
