life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
