I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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