I think I died a long time ago.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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