I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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