We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
