Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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