oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
