I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
